I keep my promises

Well, it seems that I am being hounded to write this, so I suppose I will. Apparently some people are so desperate for content on other peoples lives, they actually feel betrayed when a new promised blog post does not arrive. This is an interesting thought, if one thinks about where society is going nowadays, with social networking and such. Everyone is so interconnected and everyone's lives are so intertwined digitally, we get start feeling a little bit of withdrawal if we don't get another hit of promised digital information. And while most of us would say: "Hold on! Not true. I don't need to update my status or check my newsfeed, or read my email, or browse my rss reader all the time. I am totally in control, I don't need all this information." And all that is missing from that internal monologue is the hallow eyes, a slight crack in ones voice, a little nervous twitch, and a promise that "I could stop whenever I want." Of course, the technology is a drug metaphor is pretty much wore out, considering people have been saying that since the 80's, when Ataris were pretty much equated to crack cocaine in the eyes of most people.

 "Hey man, whatcha want? I got good stuff. Pole Position, Space Invaders, Centipede?"

However, a quick google image search for a picture to put on this post reveals that searching for "addict" brings up 4 political cartoons for America and oil, 6 movie posters for a documentary about dealers, and a dozen pictures of people pretending to shoot up for a moody picture on deviantart, and 20 PICTURES ABOUT PEOPLE ADDICTED TO COMPUTERS AND TECHNOLOGY. Oh, and one picture of a guy who attached like 200 lollipops to his almost totally naked body. (Trust me on this one, don't go looking for this picture, I had to take like 20 minutes flushing my eyes out with water, 3 showers, and a good chunk of my evening sitting in a corner crying before I could make myself feel clean enough again to come back and finish writing this post).

You know its sad when people say addiction and the internet goes "What do we think of first? Oh, you know, its a toss-up between heroin and youtube...and the lollipop guy... you know, probably the lollipop guy."

But I am a man of my word, and I keep my promises. So another blog post is delivered. And the wonderful thing? I originally had something entirely different planned out. Turns out complaining about finicky readers, doing hasty slipshod research, assuming everything I print is right, and then finally throwing up some random, only vaguely related pictures can in fact be called quality content. All I have to do is slap up a decent title, and I can call it a day. Now I know what it feels like to work for a newspaper...

Me and President Truman have only one thing to say:...BURRRNN!

So, I do promise that I will keep the blog post coming, and once I do something more interesting than eat steak, I promise I will post it up write away. Although, it was a really good steak... Maybe that will be my next post.

Liar

I am a liar. A big fat liar. I promised to keep posting. And I did not. And while the jokes about just being a part of living in D.C come quickly to mind, its not really much of an excuse. But, the sad truth is, I just never got around to writing. Well, all that changes now. With a summer in the city, and a wee bit of time on my hands, I am pulling a JT, and bringing back the blog. Admittedly, part of this is selfish. I am want to write more because I know it will help me. Will I become a future Pulitzer-prize winner? Probably not. Will it help me be just a better writer? Probably. Am I thinking about becoming a writer? Probably not. Is this a skill everyone should be not only proficient in, but hold a mastery in? I think so. So, I will blog more. It will make me write more, and edit more. And if I get some cheap jokes in along the way, all the better. So, welcome back to wadevision. If none of this makes any sense to you, allow me to provide you with a helpful analogy.

The return of my blog is like the return of Futurama. Its been a long time, but for some reason it just comes back. Its not high art, probably not even worthwhile media. But something some folks like, the creators like to create, and occasionally makes people laugh. And both make fun of star trek.

This visual aid might be helpful:

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The State of The Union (or at least the important stuff)

So, as many of you know, there was sorta a big speech the other night. Actually, many of you may not know, and that's serves my purpose just as well, as you provide a wonderfully great physical representation of how absolutely useless the State of the Union is to actual, well, Americans. I chose not to watch the speech in the traditional GWU fashion (which traditionally involves a bunch of poly-sci majors, a big screen tv and a bottle of vodka which is downed at specific intervals, usually every time the word "freedom" or "main-street" is said, or every time the camera pans to Joe Lieberman), as it seemed like a bad idea to myself. For future reference, I have heard that one can enjoy my blog in a similar fashion, with a bottle of vodka, some of which must be consumed every time I use parenthesis. I am told I get funnier this way. I did watch the speech with other people, however. And, as happens when watching speeches with other people, after about 5 minutes you realize that this is actually not nearly as action-packed or interesting as the Bruce Lee movie which was the alternative to watch that evening.

 Not the President.

Unfortunately, with this particular State of the Union Address, 5 minutes into it meant we had another 67 hours to go. So, me and my comrades decided (and I can't take credit for this) to give the speech a soundtrack. Jayson's iPhone plugged in to a stereo was soon providing the flamenco musical stylings of Rodrigo y Gabriela as background music to the speech. And let me tell you, Obama is much more interesting if one imagines him giving the speech not in congress, but in some arena outside of Madrid, dressed not in suit, but a matador's outfit, and the disapproving congressmen not as disapproving congressmen, but angry bulls who are trying to gouge him. And let me tell you, this actually does not require that much imagination.

"Health Care Debate"

The reason I bring this up, is I think a horrible mistake was made, on the policy level. Obama's speech talked all about his plans for the country, but it left out two crucial issuses, both of them paramount to our national security. One, is the Bowl Championship Series. The other is America's robots evolving to the level where they can kill us. Now, fortunately, the first issue seemingly has been dealt with, (thank goodness!). According to SI.com, Obama is planning on unleashing the full force of the Justice department on the BCS. Thank goodness someone in the executive office was listening to the speech (with his shot glass in hand, no doubt), and by the end of the speech realized both that they forgot to add something about college football to the speech and thus had totally lost their audience,(and before you think this is a joke, remember, they moved the speech around so not to conflict with the season premiere of Lost), and also that Jim was right, the new secretary (Katie? Carrie? Kitty? Caroline? Something like that...) was pretty hot, when she wore her hair down. In a assuredly partly inebriated haze, the attorney general's office was contacted, and this issue seemingly will be taken care of. Fortunately, being Attorney General is actually a pretty easy job, and he doesn't really have anything on his plate at the moment.

Except for a teeny-weeny trial for this guy.

However, this is a delicate situation, as rumors are already emerging that if the BCS is changed in any way, the SEC will secede from the Union.

The more pressing issue however, and this was not dealt with at all, in the SOTUA (yes, when you live in D.C, everything has an acronym), or otherwise, is America's growing robot problem. Read this article. Or don't and just let me tell you the highly exaggerated "facts" and let me draw wild unlikely sensationalist conclusions for you, like cable news networks (heyo!). We apparently are on verge of a robotic awakening. Apparently, they are learning to work together, to hunt, to even love, (well at least learn rudimentary synthetic altruistic behaviors, which describes pretty well most of the relationships I have been in, where she was "in love" with me...) Anyway... it's only a matter of time before they learn to kill, and hunts become less about fulfilling programming parameters and more about a lust for human blood. But apparently, playoffs in college football are more important that a possible Skynet scenario. But don't just take my word for it, here is a picture of our future overlords.

Killing machines. Makes you look twice at your roomba, doesn't it?

Phoenix isn't just a city in Arizona...

...it is also an apt metaphor for my blog and its resuscitation. After careful consideration (thinking about this for about 5 min at 3 in the morning), and the constant encouraging I have received from my friends (who apparently have pretty low standards for both comedy and commentary), I have decided to continue my musings and to continue blogging. Honestly, I am flattered that some people think that this is worth reading (on occasion) and that it is even worth laughing at (at even less-frequent occasions), and I would be glad to continue being used for their amusement. Sorta like a circus monkey. Or Russell Crowe.

"Are you not entertained?"

One reason to continue this blog is perhaps less evident. One might remember that its original purpose was to give an update on my travels/adventures/shenanigans, especially this last semester in Scotland. Fortunately, I have been able to top my previous travels/adventures/shenanigans with a destination that is even more, exotic, foreign, alien and unknown than the mysterious Scottish lands; and will be just as informative and insightful for you the loyal reader. I am currently on an entirely different planet. That is right. From now on, this entire blog will be about my time in D.C. And if you don't believe me that I am currently on an alien world, then how do you explain this:

Stuff like this happens all the time, I promise.

So, I encourage you all to check in on occasion, as I am hopefully going to have a lot of fun with this,  and hopefully you will to. And, maybe I'll be serious too. Maybe.

P.S. I know I left off last season with a cliff-hanger about explaining and processing my semester in Scotland. Don't worry, that is coming, we just have a story arc or two about evil twins and time travel, as well as love interests with guest-stars to go through first. I promise the conclusion to the Scotland story by the May sweeps.