The State of The Union (or at least the important stuff)

So, as many of you know, there was sorta a big speech the other night. Actually, many of you may not know, and that's serves my purpose just as well, as you provide a wonderfully great physical representation of how absolutely useless the State of the Union is to actual, well, Americans. I chose not to watch the speech in the traditional GWU fashion (which traditionally involves a bunch of poly-sci majors, a big screen tv and a bottle of vodka which is downed at specific intervals, usually every time the word "freedom" or "main-street" is said, or every time the camera pans to Joe Lieberman), as it seemed like a bad idea to myself. For future reference, I have heard that one can enjoy my blog in a similar fashion, with a bottle of vodka, some of which must be consumed every time I use parenthesis. I am told I get funnier this way. I did watch the speech with other people, however. And, as happens when watching speeches with other people, after about 5 minutes you realize that this is actually not nearly as action-packed or interesting as the Bruce Lee movie which was the alternative to watch that evening.

 Not the President.

Unfortunately, with this particular State of the Union Address, 5 minutes into it meant we had another 67 hours to go. So, me and my comrades decided (and I can't take credit for this) to give the speech a soundtrack. Jayson's iPhone plugged in to a stereo was soon providing the flamenco musical stylings of Rodrigo y Gabriela as background music to the speech. And let me tell you, Obama is much more interesting if one imagines him giving the speech not in congress, but in some arena outside of Madrid, dressed not in suit, but a matador's outfit, and the disapproving congressmen not as disapproving congressmen, but angry bulls who are trying to gouge him. And let me tell you, this actually does not require that much imagination.

"Health Care Debate"

The reason I bring this up, is I think a horrible mistake was made, on the policy level. Obama's speech talked all about his plans for the country, but it left out two crucial issuses, both of them paramount to our national security. One, is the Bowl Championship Series. The other is America's robots evolving to the level where they can kill us. Now, fortunately, the first issue seemingly has been dealt with, (thank goodness!). According to SI.com, Obama is planning on unleashing the full force of the Justice department on the BCS. Thank goodness someone in the executive office was listening to the speech (with his shot glass in hand, no doubt), and by the end of the speech realized both that they forgot to add something about college football to the speech and thus had totally lost their audience,(and before you think this is a joke, remember, they moved the speech around so not to conflict with the season premiere of Lost), and also that Jim was right, the new secretary (Katie? Carrie? Kitty? Caroline? Something like that...) was pretty hot, when she wore her hair down. In a assuredly partly inebriated haze, the attorney general's office was contacted, and this issue seemingly will be taken care of. Fortunately, being Attorney General is actually a pretty easy job, and he doesn't really have anything on his plate at the moment.

Except for a teeny-weeny trial for this guy.

However, this is a delicate situation, as rumors are already emerging that if the BCS is changed in any way, the SEC will secede from the Union.

The more pressing issue however, and this was not dealt with at all, in the SOTUA (yes, when you live in D.C, everything has an acronym), or otherwise, is America's growing robot problem. Read this article. Or don't and just let me tell you the highly exaggerated "facts" and let me draw wild unlikely sensationalist conclusions for you, like cable news networks (heyo!). We apparently are on verge of a robotic awakening. Apparently, they are learning to work together, to hunt, to even love, (well at least learn rudimentary synthetic altruistic behaviors, which describes pretty well most of the relationships I have been in, where she was "in love" with me...) Anyway... it's only a matter of time before they learn to kill, and hunts become less about fulfilling programming parameters and more about a lust for human blood. But apparently, playoffs in college football are more important that a possible Skynet scenario. But don't just take my word for it, here is a picture of our future overlords.

Killing machines. Makes you look twice at your roomba, doesn't it?